IS IT LOVE?

By Cheaper Bee

I like my father. If I were to describe him I’d say “He’s just cool.”

My father is cheating on my mother. He has been cheating for over well past 5 years now. I don’t hate him for this. I don’t really love him either.

I don’t know if he knows that his son knows of his unfaithful ways. Maybe he does and he comes home and pretends that everything is alright. Knowing that I’m not man enough to confront him. If i did he would probably beat me up for kuwa na ujinga or maybe, just maybe, the guy believes I’m man enough and I can’t go snitching to mama,

Maybe he truly believes that I don’t know, and the dude comes home very late and thinks I believe that hakukuwa na matatu or some other cheap bullshit. I have never understood why he feels like he has to explain himself to me.

My mother..

She deserves to be cheated on. I have never loved the woman, roll ’em eyes again. Don’t get me wrong I don’t hate her. We all love our mothers to some extent. When you suck at someone’s tits for however long you sucked you tend to love them. I don’t like mine.

She’s the reason I turned out this way. She raised me wrong. Never cared for how I really felt. Maybe the fact that she had me when she was 19 has something to do with it. I had ruined her future. Which I don’t think was bright in any way. Maybe condoms were not a big thing back then but if she didn’t want me, they should have looked harder.

She knows he is cheating. Women know everything, aye? But she has never left… How she acts normal and even got pregnant two more times for the man was mind blowing. I was 12 when the boy came, 16 when the girl arrived.

For better, for worse, huh?

My mother, isn’t strong, tolerant and all that faithful shit. She is a coward! Hiding behind prayer; her hourly rosary and monthly novenas hoping everything would be alrightHope is a very dangerous thing. That God would make him see her unconditional love for him. Fuck that! I blame God, I blame her. Her for being such a believer. Him for not answering her cries. And fuck her trying to make me believe that prayer solves shit! You know what fuck the gods too..

Do I hate my mother or my high libido(d) father?

Love makes you do stupid things. This wasn’t love. This is dependency. She can’t leave, not when she is a mere housewife with no education. No job. They’d been married in the church. How would people view her after leaving her husband. Her family.  Angesengenywa… and that worries her more than the hurt. Her children can’t grow without him. Not the 4 year old girl. She worships the guy. One for the team, huh?

Or is it love?

fuck love…

My mother is pregnant again

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Read more of this writer’s work on waspsarecheaperbees.wordpress.com

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