Pesa Ya Salon

Disclaimer: This is a rant, if you hate cussing.

A few days ago, I posted a photo of myself proudly rocking short hair on my WhatsApp status. I am falling in love with my short hair each day. I thoroughly enjoy washing it every time I take a bath and how easy it is to maintain it. Short hair comes with a certain freedom that I can’t explain. I also take more selfies than before. In short, I love my new look. Also read The Space On My Face.

Anyway, after posting the photo, a certain chap commented, “Waah! You shaved your hair! Sasa imagine I can’t date you because I don’t date women with short hair. Ama hukutumiwa pesa ya salon?” The idiot further went to offer to pay my next salon bill saying, “Najua corona imeharibu mambo but I gotchu. I will pay your next salon bill. So grow that hair and let daddy foot the bill”

I normally ignore such unmannerly comments but this chap got me thinking, “Yaani boychild anakaa venye anataka alafu ako hapa akiniambia hawezi nidate? Sir do you look like Trey Songz so that I can grow long hair for your viewing pleasure and stupid ego? Woz bothering you? First of all, who told you that you are my type? Uliskia wapi? Nani alikuambia natafuta mtu especially a reprobate like you? Bruv, you think that I Agnes Nyakwar Senior Chief Opondo, owe you an explanation for chopping off a bunch of dead cells that grow from nobody’s, but my own scalp and are taken care of at my own cost? Really? Peddi wako ni nani gathee?

I was really pissed at his sheer rudeness. I mean I am out here working my ass off to foot my bills alafu ngamia fulani inaniambia ati sijatumiwa pesa ya salon? The chutzpah! Nigga! My haircut costs more than the pennies you send to all your side chics combined as salon money and you are here in my inbox screeching like worn out brake pads of a mbukinya (got this phrase from Aoko) saying what? Kutumiwa pesa ya salon na nani? Let me categorically state that I foot all my hair care and salon bills my fren! Effects of kukuliwa fare na pesa ya salon tu! I don’t and will never need your miserable coins! Spend them on buying books to liberate your mind sir! You can’t afford to carry around all that stupidity in one brain. Mwanaume akili, pesa ni majaliwa!! (I just made up that quote).

I shaved my hair so what? Is the hair growing from your scalp that is the proud shield of your brainless skull? Do we share the damn dead cells that grow from this scalp? OK the shareholder of my scalp, I was thinking that we could dye this hair next time, what do you think?

I know that in so many instances some women have shaved their heads as for various symbolic purposes. Which are still none of your business if the hair doesn’t grow from your scalp. All I am saying is that people who are always policing black women’s hair need to stop. Women don’t necessarily chop off their hair because they are broke, dumped, gay or whatever other dramatic reasons that are perambulating in your crazy minds. Stop forcing issues. Some people chop off the hair because it is theirs and there is nothing you gon’ do about it.

So sis if you want to rock that weave, wig, braids, short hair or grow your natural hair or even go bald, just do it. It is your hair anyway. And you guessed it right, I gave that idiot a classic blue tick because ain’t nobody got time for witless conversations like that one. Chukua izo behinds zako vidogo vidogo, ukanyage guu mosi, guu pili hadi nje, na ukifika pale nje, mshike Bwana Yesu na utembee na Yesu naniii! We don’t do that here! Nonsense!!

A girl is outchea feeling herself and resembling the man that she admired the most, her late father. See her broad smile on the featured image? That’s how she feels about herself lately. If there is a song that sums up what she feels about herself, it has to be this one:

Have a blissful week that is free of idiots