I have been listening to the My Letter To My Younger Self series by the radio presenters on Urban Radio and I must admit that the letters read so far, were very deep. My favorite being Edward Kwach’s letter, I felt inspired to do one to my younger self too. *long post alert*
Dear Younger Self,
Hello from the other side. First of all, let me tell you that menstruation cramps will suck. You will wonder why Eve ate the goddamn fruit in the garden of Eden. Sorry to start on a bad note. Remember how you and your primary school friend Olive were obsessed with the music business? How you spent your break time discussing Timbaland’s music production prowess while other girls gushed over Alehandro and the Telenovela crap? Well…. I have great news! You will get a chance to work in the music business. Not as a musician or an entertainment lawyer as you had hoped, but you will love what you do. Maybe at this point, I should also tell you that you will not date a music producer as you had hoped. You will meet amazing music producers though. One of them will even refer to you as his number one fan. That will warm your heart.
In the course of employment, you will meet a galling light-skinned dude with small eyes and a cheeky smile called John. He will really be friendly and patient with you despite your nasty attitude. He will be so generous with his knowledge and laugh incessantly at your dry jokes. You two will argue a lot but he will be an amazing office boyfriend. A man of honor and you’ll have a great relationship. Of course, there will be dating and absurd eloping rumors because human beings are so nosy. *rolls eyes a thousand and one times*
I know that adulting terrifies you. The thought of being responsible for your bills and lifestyle petrifies the shit out of you and because we are being honest here, I will keep it real…yeah…it will be scary. Being independent is not as cool as Neyo made it look in his Miss Independent music video. It will require you to have deep conversations with yourself about your relationship with money. You will learn that money is a good thing if used well. That it is better to give money than lend it. Surviving in Nairobi will give a front-row seat to the ugly side of the corporate world, but you will love the independence. Cooking might look so horrifying right now, but you will learn how to do it. Dad will fall in love with your fish dishes.
Mr. Norbert Opondo, your loving dad, will ship to a remote primary boarding school in the village and you feel abandoned. However, it will pay off as will pass your national exams get into a good secondary school. Agnes, high school will be a torturous experience because there is no manual for wading through the tempestuous waters of puberty, and to top up that with 8 subjects? Nyako, utakipata pata! But relax as there will be some good moments in between plus, you will pass your exams and get to campus which will be great, apart from the identity crisis you will have in your freshman year. Campus will introduce you to many people most importantly Lynn, Cate, Shiko, Caro and Lulu. Be nice to those ladies, despite their different personalities, they are good people.
Mum and Dad want the best for you. Many times, you will not see it and you will argue with them a lot. Don’t yell back at mum, she may look tough on the outside but she is very soft on the inside. One day you will write her a letter that will break her heart. She is your mother; she will forgive you, way before you even apologize. Most of your paternal cousins may be difficult to understand right now, but you will come around them as you get older. Some of them will even become your best friends. Cecil will become your G. He will always have airtime to call you. Do you see that goofy little girl called Nyangi? She will be the bomb. One day she will visit your house with a 2ltr bottle of Fanta Blackcurrant to help you nurse a heartbreak and you will hug her so tightly because she came through.
Regina’s penchant for picking up fights with you will not stop, after all, that is what sisters are for. Maryanne on the other hand will always be your cutie patootie. However, that little girl will one day grow up and she will call you out your bullshit too, largely because she will grow taller than you. Lastborns though! I forgot to mention that you will be the shortest person in your family, yeah, you won’t even grow taller than mum. Your little brother Felix will be an angel that God sent to you in human form. He is annoying right now and he will become even more annoying, but you will love him to death. Your cousin Kliph will also be part of the gang and he will one day tell you that you are an amazing big sister on a day that you will be so downcast. That will cheer you up.
Sweetheart those kids and loving husband that you wanted by 25 won’t come through. At least not by 25. Instead, the ultimate dude in your life will be taken away a few weeks after your 25th birthday. You will lose your father to liver cancer and that will be the greatest heartbreak of your life. Seeing your little sisters, mother, and other family members weep over him will crush your heart even more. Those will be some horrendous days. The good thing though is that his memory will forever be etched in your heart. You will remember his silly jokes and laugh alone like a crazy woman. You will remember how he managed to ask you how your day was on his death bed. He was dying but still wanted to know how your day was. *deep sigh* Most of all, you will see dad’s face on his eldest brother’s face.
On love matters, let me just tell you that you shall be in for a ride. During your young and foolish years, you will give your heart to a guy who will not only cheat on you, but he will get the other girl pregnant. Agnes! Agnes Mwana wa Opondo that will hurt. It will really hurt Nyakwar Senior Chief. Because you are so cynical about love, you will blame yourself for everything! Please don’t though. You will be sad for months but manage to move on. You will also get ghosted. Cheeiii! That one will sting! Then you will learn to let your heart do its job, i.e. pump blood hohoho! Don’t fret though, you will have beautiful experiences too. You will also learn that it takes more than love to make a relationship work.
Embrace reading as it is one sure way of becoming a better writer. Writing will save your life that is why you will have a blog. You will fall in love with books and stories and have tons of writer friends. Technological advancements will introduce you to something called social media, then there, you will discover a gem called memes, those will save your life too.
2018 will be a shitty year. You will realize that you have hit rock bottom one Saturday after locking yourself in your house downing a bottle of rum alone, tears cascading down your not so rosy cheeks. Mum will call but you will be too embarrassed to admit that you are not OK. Her hugs (she will stop being allergic to hugs) will get you through to the other side and the storm will soon be over. Mama will become your best friend. She will also lose some of her strictness and soften her disciplinarian antics a little. She won’t stop meddling in your life though. You will be sharing funny videos and memes on a mobile phone application called Whatsapp. Imagine you will inherit some aspects of mum’s beautiful legs… How exciting!!! One day she will tell you that of all her children, you were the easiest one to raise, despite everything you put her through hehehe!
Take good care of your health Agnes. Do what you have to do to be healthy as health is wealth. You will compare yourself to your peers a lot. Please stop that, it is still OK to be a late bloomer. Agnes for chrissake! Lower your expectations from people, it will save you a lot of heartbreaks. You will make and break many friendships so don’t be so hard on yourself as that is part of life. Motivational speakers ain’t shit so they can shove their stupid quotes down their guts. Wow Wow Salted Rings and avocadoes are the truth. Be kind to yourself, learn to forgive yourself and never forget that you are worthy. Pray Agnes, don’t forget to pray.
Many things won’t go as planned but you will be just fine.
Here is a special song that I want you to listen to and internalize its lyrics
Alafu guys, my cousin Nyangi and her mbogi will be going to Kawangware Primary School to donate food to kids via the Cup of Uji program on 22nd February 2021. Donations in form of rice, porridge flour, yellow beans, cooking oil, sugar, and cash will be accepted. Your kind donations will keep over 2,000 children hunger free in school. Share your donations and queries via Nyangi’s number 0712346357. Thanks in advance. See poster below:
Have a blessed week.