Now before, I get to the actual post, I want to have a little rant. The other day I met somebody, let’s call this person Stapler. So Stapler looks at my neck and shrieks, “Oh my God! What’s that on your neck? You need to get that checked!” Such a storm in a teacup Stapler! That small black ashy thing was a patch of eczema OK? I know it is eczema because it is itchy and I see it every time that I look at myself in the mirror. It is commonly triggered by stuff such as weather changes, new skin products, stress, etc.
Other times, it appears for no reason just to shine in its glory and scream “sipangwingwi!” And guess what? I have seen doctors because of it! Yes! I have seen a dermatologist too imagine! I have had eczema since preteen and believe me when I say that I truly understand what it is. Here is a fun fact Stapler, I have a cream specifically for it! Yes! Newsflash honey! Every time eczema visits all I can do is apply the cream as I wait for it to disappear! Thank you. I am sending all my love to all Eczema and Psoriasis sufferers. This unpredictable weather won’t let us prosper but we shall conquer. Mbinguni tutapewa mwili mpya guys! So hold on brethren and sistren! (is there such a word?) Now we can proceed to today’s post.
At the beginning of this year, I made 3 goals for the year, wrote them down on my phone’s notepad. (Sikujua wezi was Kanairo watanisafisha iyo simu a few months later. Read my plight here). Because I love being organized, I further outlined an elaborate plan on how to smash my goals. Today I am before you here to let you know that I achieved none of them. I was so intentional about what I wanted but where? (Lakini wapi?). I watched my plans fall apart one by one.
I vividly remember the day it became so obvious to me that my plan was going to the shitters. My goals looked so simple but in the grand scheme of things, I realize that they were not as simple as they looked. Guys all I am saying is that 2021 has been so difficult for me. So tough, that I even finally discovered that I have an alter ego. Please, don’t ask about her because I don’t think that this world is ready for her yet.
Anyway, ever heard Timmy Blanco’s verse on Khali Cartel 2? In one of his lines, he asks “How many bangers a nigga need to drop in this fucking city to get some respect??” I also wondered, “How much effort do I have to put in to get to my goals?” I even reached out to an industry peer because I was so desperate to make things make sense. She just sighed and told me to be patient. Mum kept telling me to take life as it came but I kept forcing issues. Remember I mentioned in my previous post that 2021 should be officially declared as my year of forcing issues? Right? Long live the Queen forcer Agnes! Hohoho!
You’ve read my morning routine post, right? The last part of this routine involves me running out of my house like a madwoman because I have run late due to my time-wasting activities. *Palm on the forehead.* So, one morning I rushed out of the house as usual. The whole time I was wondering why my vision was funny. Then it hit me that I had forgotten to wear my glasses! I couldn’t believe it!
Was I so stressed out that I couldn’t realize my vision was funny because I had no glasses on? How? I never forget to carry my spectacles no matter the case. It was on that day that I decided to send my goals to the shitters. Nikasema sipangwingwi bana! Mimi ni baby ghurl and stress is not my potion! So I heed to my mum’s advice and started focusing on the stuff that was working out. Little by little I brought joy back to my life.
I practiced gratitude every day and I have to admit that it is very rewarding. More gratitude meant more clarity. And with clarity came more peace. I decided to face some of my fears. For example, I showed up for more events despite my crippling social anxiety. In the process, I met really amazing people. Despite my reservations when it comes to hair, I experimented with my haircut courtesy of a dope barber that I met. Although I have cheated on him several times after downloading an expense tracking app, (I realized that I can’t sustain that cost for a haircut), that dude really showed me that I could take certain risks with my look. I still regret texturizing my hair though. That’s what I get for cheating on a skilled barber.
I also realized that I don’t have to box my writing and that I could write about more topics. At this point, I want to send a special shout-out to Badu and Maureen for giving me opportunities. For believing in me even when I didn’t believe in myself. Fam, I write really amazing music and event reviews here. Honestly, I had learned a lot more about myself and other things this year. If I were to describe 2021, I would say that it was like a strict Math teacher who despite the harshness made sure that I understood the lesson.
There have been some really low moments for me in 2021. Like that day I cried on my office boyfriend’s shoulder because I really missed my dad. I have lost count on the number of times I have addressed the dating rumors. Several people think that we are dating but our friendship is largely about goofing around and cheering each other up. However, on that day I cried in his presence for the first time and he told me that I would be OK. Special shout out to him because he keeps the technical aspects of this blog functional. He is a really amazing soul. Brilliant IT guy, you should give him your coins. (Still a rat on de haiwei though)
For those who have been sending technical recommendations to improve the reading experience on this blog, we appreciate you and have heard you loud and clear. We are working on some improvements so stay tuned.
My small sister Maryanne also witnessed a lot of my 2021 down moments. And despite that, I didn’t lose gangster points in her eyes because she still allows me to annoy her. As her big sister, I know that it is my solemn duty to annoy her as much as possible. I was ordained by the gods to do so. Big sisters in the house hoiyeeee!
Of course, before ending this post, I have to give a massive shout-out to each one of you for reading my posts here. Big up yourselves because you are amazing pips. Nawapenda sana! I struggled to stay consistent but you guys always come back to read. I know I have filled your Whatsapp and other social media feeds with my blog links. Nyinyi ndio mabazing! As I sign out, I had prepared a little closing day presentation of my version of Ryan Leslie’s Thankful. But technical issues made it impossible to upload the video here. So here is my dedication to y’all! The actual Thankful by Ryan Leslie (current celebrity crush hihihi!)
Now I have to go and continue listening to my Pentatonix Christmas Playlist on Spotify. Have a Merry Christmas and a blessed new year folks. See you next year!
Tables turn, bridges burn, you live and learnDrake