Last week’s post subjected me to a repeat question from a section of the readers. Many were wondering if at all Davie was my new office boyfriend because I had earlier intimated via my social media that I had gotten a new office boyfriend. Muchai left a few months ago and it was only fair that he be replaced. I know that deep down that idiot misses me and I miss him too, lakini ngeus ni kusonga mbele kama injili. My motto now and forever is, ‘Forward ever sideways also’ owada! The texts that Muchai has been sending me prove how he misses me (see screenshot below).
For those suspecting if my new office boyfriend is Davie, udaku wachieni Obare ambieni serikali iwapatie kazi. Aah! Aah! I can’t have a mentor and big brother in peace? You would think that Davie was impressed by the massive shout-out I gave him on my blog last week but he sent me the rolling eyes emoji instead after I shared the post with him. Davie, I wish you knew that Obama and Oprah are dying to get a mention on this platform. For those wondering who my new office boyfriend is, tulieni hata Waiyaki Way iishe jameni!! Ningemposti ila wachawi wapo!! Na watamroga!!
Anyway, last week I told you guys that my office partner in crime Dada Betty and I, have successfully deployed nicknames to a couple of our colleagues. We take great pride in the work of our hands. The special thing about the nicknames that we give people is not only are they very suiting, but they are also long-lasting, ask Chinkororo 001 (we call him Chinks whenever we need a favor). Heeey Chinks!!!!
While I would really like to write about Chinks who is also the Cheyaman Emeritus by the way, today I will write about a guy we like to call Olele, simply because he is a rat on de haiwei. I will not explain how we ended up assigning this nickname but Olele is quite the annoying guy. He is tall, dark, and handsome (najua kijana hatalala juu ya hii acknowledgment). Olele is from Homabay county and has a heavy Dholuo accent to match so we always call him Akuba’s grandchild. This guy is a sports fanatic who for some weird reason supports Arsenal chini ya maji ama ukipenda under the woras. He also plays football in a couple of local leagues and is always bragging about how he is working on his six-pack and all that. Typical Luo braggadocio. Kijana tafuta pesa six pack achia canned beer packing factories.
When Olele joined the organization, he was drawn to Dada Betty because she is generally very welcoming. Our first interaction must have been when he was desperately looking for Betty then asked me if I had seen her because he couldn’t find her at her desk. Here is the thing about Betty, she is easy to like despite her resting stern face. I reckon that she intentionally buys spectacles with frames that are intended to accentuate her stern look. This lady is a true empath and always gives a listening ear to literally everyone who wants to vent. When I was moving out for the first time, she held my hand and helped through my dad’s resistance. She is super sweet and a natural comedienne. Her choice of words will crack you up even on the worst of days. Don’t tell anyone, but I have lost count of the number of clients who have called me aside to ask for her number so that they can ask her out on a date. Mdada is killing them softly. Acha tu nijifunze kunyamaza. Dada Betty, you know that I love you.
Unlike Davie, Olele was very playful (he must think that every place is a football pitch) and quite approachable during his first days at work. In fact, our friendship must have blossomed when we realized our mutual love for memes. This fella would post the funniest of memes on his WhatsApp status and forcefully show them to me whenever I missed viewing them. Talk about kujirombosa kwa maisha yangu.
Because Olele is annoying, we are constantly arguing about everything. The other day, he had the audacity to falsely accuse me in front of Davie our mentor AKA Japap. Don’t even get me started on his dimples because Olele thinks that the sun rises and sets in them. Yaani boy child hatupei amani because of some collapsed facial muscles!!! Yes they are cute lakini what happened to the good old humility? Seriously!! Olele is an expert at data analysis and when you ask for his help he will help you but gloat like he invented numbers thereafter. Shida ya huyu kijana ni nini? Anyway, he also makes the best omena in town, wueh achiela himuselefu!
Ladies, in case you are looking for a husband you will make soft, layered chapos, fry the hell out of omena and give you cute dimpled babies, look no further because Olele is the man. Inbox me if you think that Olele tickles your fancy. Please don’t forget to send a copy of your ID, motivation letter (500 words max), baptism card, tax compliance certificate, color passport photo, certificate of good conduct (no record), and letter from your chief. Seventh-Day Adventists will have an added advantage. Serious candidates only!!! No jokers, please.
Alafu this weekend my mother and sister Nyawanda will be celebrating their birthdays. Happy birthday in advance loves!
Today I don’t have a lyric to share but I will link a song that is on heavy rotation on my current playlist. I don’t understand what he sings, but whatever it is, I love it.