I woke up late that Monday morning…..as usual and I really hate the panic that ensues after noting that I have woken up late, but I still do the same each morning. I specifically hate Mondays because for some weird reason, I can never seem to make up my mind on what to wear and my makeup always refuses to cooperate with my face, especially my eye brows which give my eye pencil such a hard time. Anyway, I got up and rushed to the shower as I contemplated on how I would get through my time-wasting morning activities such as twerking in my bath towel in front of the mirror, talking to my skin and beauty products, cat walking in my heels which I never wear to work and lip-syncing to a Hip-hop or a R&B song despite being late.

You would imagine that the meeting I was to have that morning would dissuade me from indulging in my time wasting morning ritual lakini wapi? I am time waster for life, plus I would blame my tardiness on the heavy traffic (which has slowly become non-existent due to the COVID-19 pandemic) but iris waririz. So after getting ready and taking my breakfast (yes I strongly believe in taking breakfast from my house no matter how late I am), I rushed to the matatu stage and got into a KBS Bus that was a few seconds from departing without me.

The matatu conductor who was a kijana fupi round loud guy sprinkled some sanitizer on my hand and pointed towards the only social distancing worthy vacant seat “Kaa pale sista!” He said as I was making my way towards the seat in a bus that was already in motion. That is our city for you, not even COVID-19 can slow down the fast and boisterous pace of our city. I sat next to a certain chap who was on a phone call. He wore a red jumper and some khaki pants. On the seat next to him was his cute, brown leather bag and he was talking through a blue surgical mask. He had a unique manly voice that sounded a bit too familiar. By the time we were getting to next stage, he was done with his call. By then, was playing Puzzle Pets on my phone when I had him say, “Hi stalker?” Shocked, I faced him to confirm he was not on a phone call.

“Hi Stalker!” He repeated.

“Excuse me sir you must have me confused with someone else.” I managed to reply.

“My dear I recognize you from your hair cut and clear blue frames. I sat next to you yesterday evening in the matatu from town, remember?“

“Hmmh?”

“Have you forgotten the guy who tried to talk to you and ignored him? I should have known you were stalking me.” He added

It was at that point I realized why his voice sounded so familiar.

“I am not stalking you sir. You must think so highly of yourself.” I quipped amid a sarcastic chuckle.

“Something tells me that you are stalking me, this is the second time you are seating next to me in a matatu in less than 48 hours with this I don’t know you attitude.” He said quoting marks in the air with his fingers.

The kijana fupi round conductor interrupted our conversation when he came collecting fare.

“I will pay for my stalker.” My new acquaintance quickly responded and paid before I could reach for my purse.

At this point I couldn’t wait to alight. It was a Monday morning for crying out loud and I could use some peace and quiet. I really did appreciate the kind gesture of paying my fare but still, peace and quiet would hit the spot for me. For some few minutes there was silence and I continued to play Puzzle Pets. Been stuck in level 154 in this bloody game since last year but oh well, mwanamke ni kujikaza. Just when I thought the stalkee was not going to say another word to me.

“Dear stalker how about I make your life easier by giving you my number or do you prefer to give yours instead? He asked. “I could save your contact as The Beautiful Stalker.” He added with a sly smile.

“Lord why?” I thought to myself

***********

This weekend my mother and sister Nyawanda will be celebrating their birthdays and I just wanna throw a special shauraout to these lovely strong wimins. I love y’all and I wish you a very happy birthday. Nyawanda even made me some delicious fried cassava as a take away the last time I went home and I thought that was really sweet of her aaaaw!

Enjoy your week guys.

Ka si ganji au mradi, basi tembea

King Kaka