My grandma promised to introduce me to her mzungu bae Tiende Obam after the elections. Wakati umewadia! No more excuses ma’am. Tuonyeshe mtu huyo wako! Huwezi kushinda umemficha kama mihadarati. It’s been 7 years of promises now.
Somebody that I know *coughs my former neighbor Peter* just turned 30 the other day now he thinks that he qualifies to be called a mubaba. Tulia hata upate kihara kijana. Wewe bado ni mtoto! Kama unataka kunipiga niko Kawangware! Mscheww! *Iyo hata haijaingia vizuri* Mscheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewww!
Last year a certain doctor performed a minor surgery on my hand. Sema mali safi! Sema clean wealth! Wueh! Anyway all was well until he called me 'Kiddo.' Ama kweli Stivo Simple Boy hakutupaka mafuta mgongoni mwa chupa na kutunengua viuno alipolonga "Inauma lakini itabidi uzoee."