I received a piece from one avid reader of this blog and to be honest I was elated mbikos the way people blue tick me whenever I ask them to contribute to this blog…….cheeeiii! It is always a pleasure getting your stories. So if you want to have your work(s) published here just drop me an email at and I will respond as soon as I can, sawa?

Anyway this reader requested anonymity mbikos he is shy like that. From my conversations with him I could tell he is kinda weird. Like the kind of weird person who would keep a rat as pet and give it a name like Cate the Rat. He looks like the type of human being who would be so devoted to the pet, that he would spend his hard earned money to buy Cate the Rat food hohoho! He probably would defend this pet to latter and even break up with a girlfriend because of it. He would tell her, “I come as a two in one package! If you can’t accept Cate then just forget it!”

I could also tell that this boy child is in love or has ever been in love from the story he shared. His girlfriend must be very lucky. Like there are men out here who actually fall in love and stuff? Wengine wetu hapa tunashikwa tu na homa. Anyway, nikiendelea ivi itakuwa spoiler alert so without any further ado…………………………………………………………….


I woke up this Saturday morning to find a text from a long time buddy. He was reminding me of a certain nature walk that were to have on the following day.  I guess it was just his polite way of saying “Buda punguza kitambi!” He has always been an enemy of my kitambi. In fact, it wouldn’t shock me if he celebrated the skinny me. The guy is just a sadist. Anyway, I tell him I won’t come alone this time, and will only confirm if my girlfriend agrees (one week girlfriend for your information, I was not even sure she was by the way). But the courage is that this boyshaod has is so colossal, you would think that his face will be used in the next generations of the Kenyan currencies. Anyway, my girl agrees to a coffee date on that Saturday evening. The poor thing had had a long tiring day, not that I was with her, but I could tell. So we met and I asked her whether she would mind joining me for the hike. She was hesitant at first but then again, the courageous boyshaod had mistaris so she agreed. I called up my friend and confirmed my attendance for the nature walk. “Naona umeingiza mresh box finally!” He giggled. That idiot! Of course I am always good at this. My lines make any Casanova look like an intern in the school of kutupa ngeli!

Come Sunday morning, I was in town by 7am. I must have taken lots of mihadarati in order to wake up that early. It should never be this way. Sunday mornings are meant for sleeping, thinking of how to sleep, preparing to sleep, catching up on sleep and sleeping some more. This day however was exceptional. The thought of having my one week old girlfriend the whole day was enough motivation. My girlfriend came in 30 minutes later in a bright yellow jumper and fitting jeans. I loved how the jeans hugged her hips. And she had a glow on face which could be related to how I make her feel hahaha! (boyshaod lazima ajichoche). I suspect she was late because she could not decide on whether to wear the elephant skin black boots or the mosquito balls black boots. Hehehe! This might get me into trouble.

The journey began at 9am, two bloody hours later. African timing yawa! We got to the park at noon and we walked for a whole 3.5 kilometers. Whoever had dealt with me traditionally on this day must have received a huge pay cheque because he did his job well! Yaani I paid to walk! The self respecting lazy me! You know what the scariest part was? We were walking in a forest, where we could run into any of the big five of the jungle at any moment. I imagined myself In the middle of nowhere in the presence of an elephant. What kind of conversation would we have? How would I convince the huge thing that I am not a poacher? That I only came to admire its beauty? Would it even understand my language?

I know you are waiting for me to finish the story, but I just hope my girlfriend enjoyed the whole thing. I really hope she did. I particularly enjoyed how terrified she was during the canopy walk. Maybe I  should have asked her to marry me or else I shake her off the bridge. That is how to get a wife folks *Loooooooong evil laugh*

Hope you enjoyed the read.

Have a fantastic week.

Tired of people acting like I won a lotto ticket


South African Rapper,